I think I’m a good parent. I’m certainly not without faults though. My language could be better. I could be more patient at times. The list could go on I’m sure. Every once in a while however, I’m brilliant. This weekend I had one of those moments buried in an ordinary weekend that was full of dull, ordinary ones. I led my daughter through a carefully crafted conversation in which I had a hidden motive.
The discussion began in the garage in the midst of chores. Very casually, I asked if she knew the difference between a thermostat and a thermometer. Sure I do, she began as she started to explain the difference to me. She gave me an 8 year old’s scientific explanation which was good I thought. I added to her answer, “so a thermostat sets the temperature in the room and a thermometer reflects the temperature of a room.” She agreed. Then, out of nowhere I switched to “do you know the difference between a leader and a follower?” Again, she knows and explains it to me as an 8 year old would. I’m satisfied with her answers to both questions so I move on to talking about her birthday party.
The party is still a few months away, but it is the premier event for a girl of her age and she has no problem talking about it. In fact, plans are already underway - and have been for some time now. You see, there’s a problem with the invite list. She wants to invite a friend from her class but won’t because another friend doesn’t want her to. I ask her about the situation and she seems truly conflicted. She even asks if we can have the uninvited friend over on a different weekend to smooth the whole thing over. Nice try, I tell her. I offer up that there is another way to solve this problem.
Like a traffic light, I switch again. There are two types of people in the world, I tell her. Thermostats and thermometers. The thermostats are setting the temperature in the room and being a leader. The thermometers are followers, reflecting the temperature around them. What do you think a leader would do in this situation? Would she invite her friend and show that everyone can get along or be pressured into a choice that is someone else’s?
Which type of person do you want to be, a leader or a follower? Thermostat or thermometer?
At the last update from Mom, the uninvited girl is in. She’s made the cut. I’m proud of my daughter for coming to this conclusion on her own.
– steve
p.s. - thank you Travis for allowing me to steal your analogy. You are open source.